just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
