I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
