FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my poor anus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
