just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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