Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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