the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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