i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
