The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
