Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
