Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
