Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
