I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
