The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
