I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
