I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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