i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
