I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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