Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cockslap morals
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
