I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
