omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
