hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
