My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
