By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
