I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
