we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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