You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
