i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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