i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
