i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
