Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All the doctor said was why
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
