we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
