i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
