when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
