And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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