just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
