I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
