Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
