remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
