Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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