i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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