I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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