Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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