you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
