sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
