Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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