Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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