Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
