It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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