I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
