the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
