Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
