wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
